highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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