Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
