If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
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Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
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I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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