he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
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She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
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We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I party with great urgency now.
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