I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
