Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
