i permit you to call me
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
