We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
