last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
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No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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