We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
