In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
