Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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