South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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