ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
