So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
