Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize