That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
