O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
