when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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