Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
