pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
