i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
