Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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