dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Randomize
