We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My balls are so social today.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Boobs are out for the taking
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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