My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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