I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
