1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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