saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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