The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize