God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I look better un-naked...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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