Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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