after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
