He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
