I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
