i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
