So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
