remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
