Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
