God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
