As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
