No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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