Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
