I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
