I should be sponsored by Trojan
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
