the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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