I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
