She is in my trunk
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
