I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
