By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
