I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
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I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
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Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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