i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize