am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
