how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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