My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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