I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Randomize
