my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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