hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
