OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
